Blain Nelson's Abuse Pages
Abuser Recovery Information

Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, there is not a lot of information available on the net regarding abuser recovery. This is a fairly new area, and even the non-electronic resources for abusers who wish to end their violence are rather spotty.

I've received a great deal of help from a state certified program from the Whatcom Crisis Services known as ACT (Abuse Control Training). Our program emphasized heavily focusing on our own issues, did not attempt to demonize us personally, did not tolerate any minimization, rationalization, or justification of our abuse, did not attempt to portray our victims as perfect angelic beings, and recognized that there are women who abuse also.

I have heard reports from people in similar programs elsewhere which are run by (according to their reports) militant feminists who do many of the things I just listed that ACT doesn't. These reports sadden me, because I see in them missed opportunities to reach abusers who are willing to recover but who feel like the program wants to destroy them rather than help them take responsibility for what they've done and get on with healthier, happier, abuse-free lives.

At any rate, those who think that they might be abusers or those who have recognized their own abuse would do well to find any and all support groups for batterers in their area, as well as counselors who have experience in dealing with domestic violence. Male abusers will have an easier time finding services to help them, but I strongly encourage female abusers to make the effort to get the help they need to stop their abuse. There is a very small but growing awareness of the needs of abusive women, and even abusers in lesbian relationships can find help in some places. Failing to seek outside help from people who know what they are doing will leave you and the rest of your family at risk of not only continuing abuse, but escalating abuse that can have tragic results.

Net based resources include the newsgroups alt.abuse.offender.recovery, and alt.abuse.recovery. These groups deal not only with spouse/relationship abusers but also child molesters and others who have abuse problems. Some recovering abusers also post in alt.sexual.abuse.recovery also, but they do so with NMV (standing for No More Victims) included in the headers of their posts and spoilers. If you do not know what spoilers are, read the FAQ for ASAR before posting.

Blain